I follow 5 basic rules when I’m talking to someone for the first time, no matter the reason. Using these 5 rules, I’ve made some lasting friendships, dated a few men, obtained steady business, and weeded out the phonies. I don’t even want to share these rules because they’re so good. But I’m going to.

Some of these you may remember from previous articles I’ve written, so I won’t re-explain them all. However, I will provide you some link-love back to the other articles to read more in depth about some of these.

1. Make an Unforgettable Entrance

When speaking to someone for the first time, “Hello” just won’t cut it. “Hey” is not acceptable, nor is “Hi”, “Yo” or “What’s Up.” You need to say something interesting right off the bat. Don’t let it make you nervous. Something as simple as “Well, hey there! How are you doing today?” works very well. You seem energetic, but not sickeningly happy to where it seems fake.

2. Ask Engaging Questions

“How Are You?” is so two-thousand and late. It’s time to expand your vocabulary and  bring on some new questions. “What are you up to today?” is one of my personal favorites. If this is a repeat partner for conversation, recall something they told you in the past and inquire about it. Ask their opinion on something. “I’m looking for a good book to read – a quick one, but a mystery theme – your thoughts?” Even if you have the book picked out you’ll be reading this weekend – ask anyway. Make the other person feel that you value their opinion. Note: If you use this example, make sure you eventually read that book they suggest. If you’re lucky enough to find another expert communicator, they’re going to ask you about the book in a few days/weeks.

3. Be committed

I am not asking you to propose marriage or business partnership in the first conversation. I am, however asking you to be committed to the conversation you’re having. This is especially essential in instant messaging. An instant messaging is just that – exchanging messages instantly. Make sure you have minimal things going on in the background. Avoid important projects or other important conversations. Remain focused and attentive to the conversation you’re currently having. You’re quick responses will be noticed by the other person, and it’ll encourage them to also be prompt with responses.

4. Be a Super Speller and Great Grammatically

Though many messaging programs now integrate spell check, others don’t. Be sure to do a once over before sending your message, looking for spelling, grammar, and all-around “make-sensibility”. Granted, I know that no one is perfect. Spelling errors will occur, and if you notice one after you send your instant message, correct it by saying something like “I meant yes* not yet. Apparently I need a first grade spelling course again.” In theory this should only occur a few times in the conversation. If you notice it happening a lot, then slow down a bit. It’s equally as important to be accurate as it is to be prompt.

5.Keep an eye on your I’s

Every sentence always seems better when you add an I in front of it. It personalizes the sentence and allows you to do something that we all enjoy doing – talking about ourselves. Contrary to popular belief – not everyone wants to hear your entire life story and how you can relate to everything someone says with your own experience. I’m not saying not to speak about you at all. When you’re asked a question, answer it. Then ask another question directed toward your partner. Respond to their answer, but try to avoid comments like “I can relate” or “I know how you feel, this one time, when I was in your position…”   Instead, say “That’s relatable for sure. Surely many people share that view. You’re not alone” or “Oh, that’s something we’ve all been through. It’s amazing how far you’ve come. I don’t know if I’d be able to do that as well as you have. Notice the use of I in the last sentence. “I” was used, however directed as a compliment to the other person. It is very essential that you practice the right amount of being selfish and selfless in conversations

As you work through these rules and practice them, they’ll become second nature. There will be other things that you’ll find that work for you as well. Give these few rules a try and see the quality folks you attract. Get rid of the ones who can’t hang with your awesome communication skills. Keep those who rock as much as you do and keep you as engaged as you’re trying to be.